Monday, May 31, 2010

The Girl With The Most Cake

"I want to be the girl with the most cake/ I love him so much he just turns to hate 
I fake it so real I am beyond fake/ And someday you will ache like I ache 
Some day you will ache like I ache/ I am doll parts"
'Doll Parts' by Courtney Love                                                                                                 

Hello, my lovelies!
Yes, I know. Courtney Love is batshit crazy but I really like some of her music. So anyway...today's post isn't about clothes or shoes. Get over it.
Did you have a visceral reaction to the picture of Megan Fox above? People fling vitriol at Foxy like chimps fling poop. Much of the poop flinging is unfounded, i.e. she's constantly called a slut and a whore, but she's been in an exclusive relationship for years. (Would she be called a slut/whore if she were considered homely and plain? Not so much.) Reports about her being "fired" from the Transformer's franchise were filled with so much glee that I was a little uncomfortable reading them. Megan contends she voluntarily left the franchise because Michael Bay is an asshole, treated her like crap and was a tyrant on the set. Bay has had this rep for years. Everybody knows. But Megan said unfortunate things, comparing him to Hitler being only one of them. She's not really polite, she's not quiet or demure and doesn't seem to care much about tradition. People punish her for it, while at the same time, consuming her brand with such voracity that she's become a movie star.                                                                                                                         
Megan Fox is the girl with the most cake. So are Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry. So were Lena Horne and Dorothy Dandridge. 
To me, the 'girls with the most cake' are the women with undeniable sex appeal and seemingly unattainable beauty. They also are completely aware of their feminine power and use it to get what they want. Other women have trouble relating to them and sometimes feel hostility toward them whether they deserve it or not.                                                                                     
The following are photos of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston (not a cake girl) in similar poses and states of undress.

Though both are beautiful, one might want to tie up her man and walk on his back naked wearing five inch Stilettos. Hmmm, I wonder which?
It could be either one. Yes?                                                                                                  
Here's my point: Unattainable beauty and/or raw sex appeal probably shouldn't contribute to a woman's status as a social villain. (Being an asshat should be the primary contributor) And if a woman is cute like the girl next door, that doesn't mean she's not plotting to glue her boyfriend's junk to his stomach in his sleep. 
Women are women. Some bitter, some sweet. Of course, no labels are actually needed. But just for fun...I'm the girl with the most shoes. Carrie Bradshaw doesn't really exist, so I'm claiming the title. Anyone who wants it will need to arm wrestle me for it. And you bettah bring it boo-boo, because I will grind unworthy opponents into a fine powder.                                                                                                                                                                                    
Totally Gratuitous...
Common. This man is just FINE for no reason! And now that he's done bouncing quarters off of Serena Williams' booty, I'm throwing my hat in the ring. Hey Common? I have about a thimble full of booty compared to Serena, but it's cute and firm! Come check on it!                                                                                                                                                              
Chic of the Week: Zoe Saldana
Everything Zoe is wearing can be found at Gap, Bebe, Macy's, Target, etc, etc... A black sweater and dark jeans are a classic look, but her choice of accessories creates an easy chic anyone can achieve. You probably already have these items in your closet!
Until next time, my lovelies...keep it cute!                                                                               
R.I.P. Lena Horne







Thursday, May 6, 2010

Zac Posen hits the Target

Due to the ridiculously high number of typos in my last post and my reckless disregard for Spell Check, this blogger will refrain from the consumption of wine and/or spirits during the making of these posts. My bad, y'all! Saucy posts don't always make for good reading. I now return you to your regularly scheduled posting...
After the uninspiring (read: boring) and youthful (read: unsophisticated) Gautier for Target line, I was pretty excited about the Zac Posen for Target line. And for someone who still rocks a Jheri Curl, he didn't disappoint. (Just kidding, Zac. I'm insanely jealous of your luscious, naturally swirly locks!)


Posen for Target launched in the U.S. on April 25th but will be gone after May 30th. It's mostly sweet little feminine dresses with lovely structure and thick hems, but there are also smart suits,  fun swimwear and outerwear that flatter every body type. 


Price range: $49.99 (read: $50) for a belt to $299.99 (read: $300) for a replica of a dress that Katherine Heigl wore to the Emmy Awards. (See below. Heigl wore it in white.)

In an effort to drum up hype for the Posen line, only 50 of the Heigl dress will be available for purchase. The best news? The dress does not come with Heigl's mouth or bizarre sense of entitlement. Enjoy!
Admittedly, this line is a little pricey for Target, but it's comparable to its other designer lines.


Totally gratuitous:
Christian Louboutin's Robot 120 shown below. I can't stop staring at this shoe. I fantasize about melting it down and drinking it from a Martini glass...
What would it taste like? Silky smooth on your tongue, perfectly chilled but turning your insides warm as soon as it slides down your throat... Woo, chile! I need to stop! Moving on...
CHIC OF THE WEEK:
Jessica Marais at the 2010 Costume Institute Gala wearing J'Aton Couture.


Jessica is an Australian actress and I couldn't tell you one thing she's been in, but the gown she's wearing is GORGE! No?


Okay, my lovelies, it is not lost on me that having banned myself from drinking while blogging, I have resorted to fantasizing about drinking...WHILE BLOGGING. I swear by all that is holy (and some unholy shit) that I don't have a problem. That whole shoe in a glass thing was kinda like a weird porn outtake. My apologies. Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa.
Now, I'm gonna go get me a cuppa water.

Until next time, my lovelies, keep it cute!