Hey ya'll! What? I'm Southern. Get over it.
I recently found out that neo soul artist, D'Angelo, was arrested for trying to get a $40 blow job from a prostitute who turned out to be a cop.
D'Angelo (real name Michael Archer) hasn't put out an album for many years and his manager Dominique Trenier has been quoted saying that it was his video 'Untitled' that sent his career spiraling. He appeared butt ass naked in the video and apparently, he was traumatized by how his female fan base objectified him relentlessly afterward. Nobody cared about the music anymore. Just his sexy 'Ken lines' (see photo above if you don't know what 'Ken lines' are). In defense of the ladies, that video was a pure celebration of his beauty (at that time, because now he's all swollen and busted) and the song was secondary.
Maybe D'Angelo should have listened to George Michael's lyrics in his song 'Freedom'..."When you shake yo' ass/ they notice fast/ some mistakes were built to last".
Anyway, I don't wanna talk about that man's career! I'm one of those pervy women who wants to talk about his ass! Kidding!
It's actually the intense sensuality in the song 'Untitled' that I want to explore. Even if I'd never seen the video, I'd still think the song was liquid hot sex in aural form. If aliens from Mars landed here and wanted to know about human sex, I would definitely play them this song...
What are a few other deliciously nasty songs that bring the sexy?
Insatiable by Prince
"You say you want my hips up in the air/yeah/oh no, I don't care"
Crown Royal by Jill Scott
"In your hands and your lips and your tongue tricks/And you're so thick, and you're so thick"
Neglekted by Afghan Wigs
"You can fuck my body baby/but please, don't fuck my mind"
Slow Like Honey by Fiona Apple
"My big secret/gonna keep you comin'/slow like honey heavy with mood"
Closer, Let's Get it On and Sexual Healing: Way too obvious but meriting mention
Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge
One hit wonder, I think. But the song is carnal and honest.
"I want to hold you close/soft breath, beating heart/As I whisper in your ear/I wanna fuckin' tear you apart"
Say Yes by Floetry
Oooo chile, these girls moan all through this freakin song!
I was gonna include Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews Band, but upon studying the lyrics...it's a total stalker fantasy song. Love you, Dave but the song is a tad creepy.
If by Janet Jackson
"Your smooth and shiny feels so good against my lips, baby/ I want you so bad I can taste your love right now, sugar"
"If we cannot make babies, maybe we can make some time/Thoughts of pretty u and me, Erotic City come alive/We can fuck (Prince would have us believe the word they used was 'funk') until the dawn, making love 'til cherry's gone, Erotic City can't u see, thoughts of pretty U and me."
These next songs aren't really sexy to me but they use some really fun-to-decode euphemisms for sex acts:
Really Brit-Brit? You're spelling F-U-C-K on the radio for your 15 year old fans? Bet those Red State soccer moms were clutching their pearls.
Like a Prayer by Madonna
This song is about blow jobs. Always has been and always will be. Madonna just used extreme imagery in her music video to distract those pearl clutching soccer moms. A black Jesus and burning crosses definitely made them throw up in their mouths a little. But the young girls singing along to this little ditty (including myself) were singing about cock-cicles.
Alphabet Street by Prince
(I know this list is Prince heavy, but back in the day, The Artist put all his freaky impulses on full display. I haven't even touched on his heartwarming lyrics in a little known song called 'Jack U Off'.)
Alphabet Street is about cunnilingus. Really.
Of course, this is just a tiny piece of my list. If I included the whole thing, it would take me all night!
Next time, clothes and shoes are back on the agenda. I've seen some damn fine deals, lately! Besides, I'm just a tiny bit traumatized by Prince's pubes. My next post is gonna be light, frothy and totally G rated...at least until the nightmares stop.
Until then, stay cool.
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